Jesse James & Kat Von D

It's official: Jesse James and Kat Von D are Engaged..... How sweet, now they can learn German, make fun of minorities and do Satan's work together forever.

David Spade vs. Brooke Hogan

Why on earth is Brooke Hogan wearing running shoes with a blue dress?

Oh, wait that's not Brooke Hogan...... that's David Spade....... my bad!

Shaq Daddy & Hoopz

Dear Shaq,


Flavor Flav called, he wants to know how his d*@k taste???

Living Proof

Ray J is living proof that even it you have a semi-famous sibling, put out a sex tape, and star in a bad reality show there is a possibility you will not be famous at all, and on top of that, people still won't recognize you at the Fox Hills Mall....

Who is it?

Look, it's Janet Jackson........ wait no, it's Latoya Jackson........ or is it Joe Jackson?....

Nope, it's Lil Kim

Bill Maher

Bill Maher is the only celebrity in Hollywood who actually needs a nose job.....

Shameless on Showtime

So far this is my favorite show on TV right now...Probably because it is very similar to my childhood.

If you have ever had an absentee mother, alcoholic father with no job, no money, and daily family dysfunction then you will be able to relate.. If not, then I hate you BUT you should check it out anyway, it's worth it.

Shameless, Sundays 10PM ET & 7PM PT

Michael Douglas 2011 Golden Globes

Congratulations to Michael Douglas for kicking the Sh*t out of Cancer, having a super hot wife that is 25 years younger than he is and Uh, duh! being Gordon Gekko...

I HEART Ricky Gervais

Really HFPA! come on, he's fu*@ing Ricky Gervais and you're telling me you didn't know what you were getting yourself into.

It's kind of like asking Mel Gibson to host a young man's bar mitzvah and then being shocked about the outcome.

Britney Spears

Dear Britney Spears,

Do you ever leave house not looking like you're auditioning for 8 Mile??

Scarlett Johansson 2011 Golden Globes

Is it just me or does Scarlett Johansson's hair look like she rode a motorcycle to the awards with no helmet on?

Billy Ray Cyrus

Dear Billy Ray,

The year 1992 called, they want their hair-style back.

Oh, and by the way; you look like a super-sized douche bag in this picture. K, Bye.

Billy Ray and kind-of / almost ex-wife Tish leaving a movie in Burbank, CA  

Helena Bonham-Carter 2011 Golden Globes

We love Helena Bonham-Carter, she has that whole mentally insane sexy thing going on. Every time I see her it makes me want to just, bite someone...

Andrew Garfield

Is it just me or does Andrew Garfield and MegaMind have the same shape head???

Natalie Portman 2011 Golden Globe

Do you think if Natalie Portman would have hooked up with Chaz Bono, she still would have won a Golden Globe?

Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim,

Just in case you didn't know, I am a Certified Motor Boat Specialist. If you need my number just get it from Fergie.. K, bye XoXo

Kim Kardashian posted this picture on Twitter from a photo shoot on Thursday January 13

Britney Spears

Dear Britney Spears,

You look like you just woke up, kissed your brother (with tongue) and are on your way to pick up your kids who's father is your uncle...

But we love your new single. XoXo

Jennifer Lopez 2011 Golden Globes

Dear Mark Anthony,

You look like J-Lo's, sisters, cousins slimy drug dealing boyfriend....

Mila Kunis 2011 Golden Globes

Mila Kunis, you look so much better without Casper the Clammy Ex-Childhood Star on your arm....

Gucci Mane

Congratulations to Gucci Mane, for winning the 

Dumb Ass of the Year Award.....

Christina Aguilera 2011 Golden Globes

Is it just me or does Christina Aguilera look like she is channeling the spirit of Miss Piggy? I'm just saying...

Stephanie Seymour

Note to self: If you ever get caught cupping your mom's breast while trying to kiss her on the mouth, just say your gay.

Stephanie Seymour and her 17-year-old son Peter took some online heat after a couple of weirdly affectionate photos of them in St. Bart's surfaced last week -- but now Peter says it's A-O.K. because he's gay.

Owen Wilson

Is it just me or does Owen Wilson's nose look like it's trying to make a right hand turn?

Image by Just Jared

Katie Holmes

Dear Katie Holmes,

You look like Tom Cruise beat you and made you sleep in the closet. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you... XoXo

Image by Just Jared
Katie Holmes in Beverly Hills on Monday (January 10)

AnnaLynne McCord

Somewhere right now,  Poppa Smurf is thinking about touching himself......

AnnaLynne McCord on the set of 90210 dressed as an Avatar

Eva Longoria

I don't know why Eva Longoria covering up her wedding date tattoo with make-up is such a big deal; she has been covering her, Mi Vida Loca, Smile Now / Cry Later, and Spider Web tattoos for years...

Kesha, Amy Winehouse & Adrian Grenier

They must all have the same trainer.....

Selena Gomez

Here is Selena Gomez eating lunch at the Pacific Galleria in Sherman Oaks, right before a crazed Justin Bieber fan cuts off her head with a battle axe....


No, not really but that would have been crazy right?

Image by X17

Nicolas Cage

Dear Mr. Nicolas Cage, 

I just got off the phone with your hairline and she said, she's leaving and she's never coming back. Sorry!

Image by WENN

50 Cent

50 cent partied at Marquee Nightclub at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas to celebrate the release of his new Headphones.

Dear 50,

Chelsea Handler just texted me and said when your done wearing that jacket she wants her dining room drapes back.

K, thanks.. bye

Robert Redford

Is it just me or does Robert Redford's face look like it's made out of clay???

Image by WENN

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan apparently had lunch in West Hollywood with and angry little 14 year old boy who snorts wasabi....

Mariah Carey

Look Mariah Carey is wearing Niki Minaj's butt on her stomach...

Image by just jared

And in other news....

Leighton Meester has a little dog she carries around

Jessica Simpson killed Snooki and made her into a purse

Lindsay Lohan isn't drunk yet.....

and in this picture Britney Spears looks like she wants to eat young children.....

Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin was spotted in Brisbane, Australia on Wednesday January 5. Kate and her clan are there filming their upcoming season of Kate Plus 8.

Dear Kate,

No matter what you do, I don't care if you save the planet from an alien attack; you will always be one of the most annoying people in the entire world.
K, bye.

Baywatch

Dear Mr. Hasselhoff,

You have the most alcoholic legs I have ever seen, please wear longer shorts.

Thanks,

The General Public

Samantha Ronson

Is it just me or does Samantha Ronson look like a angry, sleep deprived 14-year old boy?

Age ain't nothing but a number....

Huge Hefner's fiance Crystal Harris recently said that she doesn't notice the age difference at all between her and Hef, which let me remind you is a modest 60-year age gap. 

So, your telling me that while you are helping him lift his 60-year old, fried chicken skin balls out of bed in the morning you don't think to yourself "is the money really worth it" Yeah right!

WE LOVE KANYE WEST

Today Kanye West woke up and said:

"Yo, I'm bout to rock them J's wit those black leather pants, but I'm gonna flip the script wit that Killa Cam brown fur coat and my snake skin backpack... Yo, that sh*t's gonna be so fly, I'm like the black Alexander McQueen fur reel!!

Adrian Grenier

Adrian Grenier shows off his "Marshmallow Man" body in Miami....

Bro, just do like six crunches and four push-ups a day and your body won't look so much like Kesha's...

Image by justjared
Adrian Grenier enjoys some downtime on Monday in South Beach, Fla.

Jessica Simpson & Eric Johnson

Jessica Simpson & fiance Eric Johnson brought in the New Year in Aspen, Colorado..

Dear Jessica & Eric,

Please take the damn batteries out of your outfits, it's making people nauseous... K, thanks.

P.S.

Eric, Congratulations I heard she's a panther in the sack.....

But Mommy, Snooki did it and she's famous.....

I honestly believe that reading Snooki's book would be like punching myself repeatedly in the face non-stop for 45 minutes...

So to all the young girls out there; tan obsessively, hook up with tons of guys, drink too much, wear the sluttiest clothes you can find, sleep til noon, wear dirty ass slippers all day, grow a FUPA and you too can be successfully....